weekend and thoughts

I had a good weekend. I went home on friday and went to a carrie underwood concert with my mom haha. it was a good concert, i was more entertained with the lights that looked like laser beams and with watching people. I am such a people watcher, i love it. On saturday i hung out with the familia. My brother and i had a tap dance dance off...amazing. i hung out with a friend and then watched an amazingly cheesy movie with my mom. Then i talked to kristen wellers! i miss that girl soo much. Then today i had breakfast with a friend and came back to school.
I really am blessed to be in the family that i am in. I take it for granted and i shouldnt. On saturday at one point my mom, my brother, and i were just laying on my bed talking. It was great.
I realize that i love good conversations. Not the shallow conversations, but deep meaningful ones where you walk away thinking wow. I have been so blessed lately with conversations.
I had a few with my mom this weekend (i have a lot with her). We were talking about marriage and i told her that it freaked me out. After some probing, i finally admitted that it freaks me out because i am afraid of failing at it. I am afraid of getting hurt. I am a person who loves with everything inside of me. I am scared of being completely vunerable and giving everything i have and then being rejected. But the truth is that God does that with us everyday. He lets us reject him over and over and He still loves us. Its crazy. but i am scared. But one thing my mom pointed out is that i am just going to try and avoid being hurt by being alone, but then i would just be lonely and be hurt anyways. She wasnt telling me to get married to avoid lonliness but she was saying that someday i will need to take the risk of being rejected. And if i do get rejected, God will get me through it.
And then i was talking to my brother about trying out for entourage and how scared i was. He said "Why? what do you have to lose?" and i thought about it, and once again i am just scared of rejection. But i need to take the risk. No matter what happens, God will never forsake me.
Overall, it is all about trusting that God will get me through things like rejection. But i must trust Him. I cant live inside my safe little walls forever. I have to step out of this comfort zone which can be more of a prison than a comfortable place.
So overall a good weekend. I am torn between wanting to go home for break but now wanting this semester to end. I dont want to grow up!